When good intentions backfire

At Dillon's last doctor appointment, the pediatrician gave him the talk about how you're not a big boy until you use the potty. He listened intently, but on the way home, he told me, "Mom, I still want to be a baby." Awesome.

Another double edged sword: He's beginning to give up his nap. Yesterday was the first day he slept in four days! Yay! No, not yay. Now, the kid is up until 9:00.

The question is: Is it better to let him sleep and stay up late, or stay up and deal with cranky baby? Here's a pic of cranky Dillon at the Winter Wonderlights.

What to do? My instincts are telling me to let him skip the nap. I don't want to give up my favorite part of my day - bedtime. Well, the few precious hours after they're in bed and I can relax.

More Potty Talk

Picture this:

We're in the gym locker room. I'm changing into my bathing suit (bottom's on, top, not so much). Parker calls out from the bathroom stall. He's stuck on the toilet, and can't get off because it's too tall (we use a step stool at home). He's locked the door and this half naked women is not about to crawl under the stall and unlock it.

What's a Desperate Mom to do? Why, send Dillon under to unlock the door. That's right. That's what 3 year-olds are for.

And one more:

Why are four-year olds so interested in their poop? I'm finishing my dinner tonight and Parker calls out from the bathroom, "Mom, you have to come see this." Yay for me!

Farts are funny

Bodily functions are pretty funny at our house. We all got a laugh when Parker let out a huge fart tonight - even Parker. There are arguements about who has the stinkiest butt, we even sing about it (although every song these days is to the tune of "Shake Your Booty").

It was a particularly funny moment today when Parker decided he needed to go potty while we were at the park - at least I thought it was funny. I'm sure he's going to kill me when he's a teenager, but I can't help but laugh and give you all a laugh too.

Drumroll please....

"That's a lot of poop" and other things moms say

What's up with the fact that moms can talk about poop without wincing, or even batting an eye? We're used to poop. We talk about poop. We LIVE poop.

Case in point, last weekend JV and I were standing around talking about poop (to be more specific - the appropriate bun spreading techniques for maximum cleanliness). Up comes JC, "Are you ready to go?" Oh, yeah - we didn't even realize we were talking about poop and were happy to change the subject.

Poop just creeps into everyday conversation. "The weather's great today. Oh and Johnny just did the funniest thing with his diaper yesterday."

My friend AJ told me yesterday that I totally ruined his image of me (I'm not quite sure what that image was - Supermom?) and was disgusted that I mentioned poop in a recent FB post. I didn't even realize I did that. Sorry AJ, I'll try to keep it clean next time.

It's been a while

So, I've been a little lax on the blogging thing as of late. It was so much easier to keep up before I got myself a little J-O-B. It's only 5 hours a week, but still. That's 5 hours of my precious Becca Time. You know, that time that you can almost forget that you're a mom, even though there are dishes in the sink, and a load of laundry that's been wrinkling itself in the dryer for a couple of days already.

Parker started his second year in preschool and just celebrated birthday number 4. Dillon started preschool last week - I think he's a natural. Swim lessons for Parker start next week too. See what happens to all that precious Becca Time! I've become a chauffer. Awesome. Too bad I don't own a Hummer limo and a black suit.

I was going to promise to blog more often, but I'll just promise to try harder. I really miss this little outlet.

Mommy needs a beer

Not very PC, but whatever. I sure could use a beer right about now. I’m not sure what happened to my patience. Maybe because it’s the second day in a row of rain. Maybe because I’m getting old and grouchy. Maybe because Parker has picked up this great habit of making the most obnoxious noises known to man. I’m not sure, but my kids are driving me nuts.

I think they call it selective hearing. My kids have a severe case. If there was an institution for selective hearing, my boys would be locked up. Throw away the key.

“No, Parker. Don’t do that.”
“Get that out of your mouth, Dillon.”
“How about another round of ‘The Quiet Game’?”

Stop by and have a drink. Like right now. Please.

What's for dinner, Mom?

Mealtime, oh how I love to hate you. Why can’t we have the classic Leave it to Beaver dinners? Two well mannered children pulling up their chairs and having a lovely conversation about their day. Admittedly, a two year-old and three year-old aren’t the greatest conversationalists, but I’m game for discussing what happened on Caillou this morning or a round of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat.”

The worst part is making the meal. Will they eat Mac N Cheese today? They really liked these cheeseburgers last week. I never know what will happen. Today for lunch, I made “cheeseburgers” (that would be a bun and cheese, no meat), Cheetos and strawberries. All favorites, or at least they were last week.

Now that I’m done cleaning the kitchen floor for the second time today and sent the kids down to the basement, I can have a little Mommy time. DSW online here I come.

The Formula

The amount of time you spend making dinner is inversely related to the probability your kids will eat said food. I posted this on Facebook last night and couldn’t believe the responses from my FB friends. It seems I’m not the only one who’s observed the phenomenon.

EZ Mac takes three and a half minutes in microwave, but I’m almost guaranteed the boys will eat it. On the other hand, I spent 30 minutes making homemade mashed potatoes yesterday and they wouldn’t even taste them.

So why bother? Can kids subsist on Mac N Cheese, chicken nuggets and PB&J? Probably, but can I?

My parents tell me that I ate everything as a kid. I even remember one night at a restaurant when my dad paid me $1 to eat some nasty custard thing. My sisters, who were always pickier eaters, got $5 each. Let’s hope they grow out of this.

My new year’s resolution was – Don’t eat what the kids are eating. I’m tired of turning chicken nugget meals into Chinese chicken salad already.

I’m just sayin’

Does taking your kids to a restaurant (I’m using this term loosely) with a play area give you permission to completely ignore them? It seems that every time I take the boys to Chick-Fil-A the play area is filled with the most obnoxious kids.

The play area is separate from the rest of the place. It’s in a separate room with a big window, which I assume people use to “watch” their kids. Today, as usual, I’m the only parent in there and overhear some kids talking about playing a game where they will kick other kids down the slide. One of my pet peeves is when kids go up a blind slide, and Parker will even “remind” them to go the right way, but kicking kids down the slide? Seriously?

I calmly told them that they needed to be a bit more careful when the little guys were playing and that I didn’t think their “game” was a good idea. It’s not my job to parent these kids and I’m sure some parents would be mad at me for doing it, but I don’t want to be the one carrying Parker out of there crying because he got hurt.

I don’t want to be a “helicopter mom” or put my kids in a bubble. Is it too much to ask for a little common decency?

It seems these kids took my “advice” to heart because after lunch, they invited Parker to play (albeit as the “bad guy”).

Happy Mother’s Day (Well belated anyway)

What a great surprise to have my wonderful mom come visit on Mother’s Day. My hubby got me everything I wanted. And my boys thought it was Mother’s Day for about five days in a row. I love being spoiled!

The boys are a little sleep deprived, but loved seeing their Mams. This morning, after being up for about two and a half minutes, Parker asked me if he could go wake her up. Later he asked if she was leaving today. I told him she needs to go keep Pops company, but he thought he should be able to “keep himself company by himself.”

Mom left a few things behind, which only means she has to come back soon. Right? At that Parker got all excited and said Mams and Pops could come get her hair clip in Pops’ truck.

I’m taking the boys out to Kentucky in June. How great is it that my parents can be such a big part of my kids’ lives?

Don’t call us, we’ll call you…

Well, I was hoping to be getting a make-up make-over today with Colorado Parent Magazine. Why did they tell me they would get back to me either way? How hard is it to send a generic e-mail? Copy, paste, send, copy, paste, send, repeat.

While I’m at it, I’ve been unemployed for over a year now and I have yet to hear anything about ANY job I’ve applied for. No, “Thanks for the resume, but…” No, “I’m sorry, but we decided to go another way.” What’s up with that? Admittedly, I haven’t applied for that many jobs, but what happened to common decency?

Boys are gross, Part Deux

Why does Parker suddenly want to pee standing up? I’m a girl, I don’t understand the trajectory of the three-year-old penis. And I'm not sure he's ever actually seen it done (Where's Greg when I need him?). We now have pee all over the bathroom, back of the toilet and his pants.

In the meantime, Dillon was sitting at the table finishing his dinner. He used the corn on the cob and chicken nuggets to scoop up the mashed potatoes. It took two wipes to clean-up his hands and face. And his shirt is still a mess.

Oh well, looks like an early bath tonight.

Boys are gross

Case in point: Today Parker picked up a long blue fingernail at the park and said, “Look at this, Mom.” Yesterday it was a used Band-Aid.

In the car on the way home, Dillon says, “Mommy, I got a gooby (aka bugger).” I handed him a tissue to get it off his finger and off we went.

I’m grossed out on a daily basis. I was so hopeful when Parker refused to eat certain things because it would make him “all dirty.” That phase has past, and quite quickly, I might add. Oh well, off to clean-up yet another mess.

Is the word playdate in the dictionary?

I never thought I’d use the word playdate. What kind of word is that? Is it even a word? Two words? Anyway, I thought it was a word only minivan driving soccer moms use and here I am using it.

In fact, I kind of live for playdates. Any excuse to have an adult conversation and have someone (besides me) entertain my boys.

So, if you’re looking to have a (gasp) playdate, you know who to call.

What is the age limit on when you can’t wear new shoes home from the store?

I LOVE new shoes and bought the cutest pair of yellow wedge sandals the other day. I haven’t gotten to wear them yet. What’s up with that?

Hello, Colorado. Let a girl wear her new shoes already. Weather, please cooperate. Please….

Desperate Mom Tip #215

NEVER let your already weak stomached kid ride the merry-go-round thing at the park for more than 10 minutes.

Parker was loving the big kids pushing them around and stayed on that thing for ever. After a while he was just laying there, should have been my first hint. Then he told me he wanted to go home - hint number two. Quiet all (most) of the way home - hint number three. And about three miles from home - bleh.

Vomit all over the back seat of my car. It took me 30 minutes to take out Parker's seat, Dillon's seat (so I could get the seat protector off) and figure out how to take the carseat cover off.

Let's just say, next time we go to the "Taco Bell Park" (so named because it's near Taco Bell), we will focus our time on the slides.

Opening doors to new adventures

I was so happy when Dillon could finally open a door (about four days ago). Finally, I don't have to get out of bed to get him in the morning. No more, "Mommy. Where are you?" Small problem, now he can open the door.

I put him back to bed three times already tonight.

Remember when St. Patty's Day meant a day of partying?

Ah green beer. Are you a figment of my imagination? It's been so long.

Amazing how much your life changes when you have kids. You might be able to sneak away for a beer or two, but there's no way you're gonna get to CB Hannigans by noon. Today it's even worse. With a house full of sick kids (and husband), I'm not going to even get my lips wet.

Enjoy the day my friends. Have a green beer for me. But don't worry, I'll be wearing a green shirt today.

Hang on, I'm gonna jump in the shower first

Parker asked me this morning why I jumped in the shower. Why wouldn't I just walk in?

What a day

It started off okay. Cancelled playdate, but we could handle that. Decided to cheer on Grandma at bowling (Parker's been asking to go for weeks). When Grandma was done, we decided to play a round. Parker got a spare on the first frame. Good. Right? I got seven pins. Dillon got a couple. Next up, CRASH.

Dillon is down and bleeding with a gash in his chin. Damn, I paid for a whole game AND shoes. Parker and Grandma finished the game, while I took Dillon to urgent care. The doc took one look at Dillon and sent me to a real ER. He didn't want to be responsible to stitch up a baby's face. Ugh. Ten more minutes in the car, and we arrived at the ER. No parking in the emergency lot - of course.

Two hours later, we have three stitches and a Daffy Duck bandaid. I figure that's one stitch for every 45 minutes. What a trooper he was though. The nurses raved about how great he was. He actually slept in the busy hallway for about 30 minutes.

Phew. All is well. Wrong. Tonight, the kid falls down our incredibly steep stairs. Crisis averted. He's sleeping quietly. I'm sure with two boys, we'll have a lot more trips to the ER in our future.

Am I in the Twilight Zone?

Parker said no to a cookie, because he'll "get all dirty." Dillon with a completely clean diaper says to me, "I went poo poo in my undies Mom." Am I raising two obsessive compulsive kids? Or do they hear me say the same thing day after day? The answer is most likely the latter.

I guess the big question is, when will I get to stop repeating myself? Parker pooped in his pants again today. Dillon threw his plate and perfectly good PB&J on the floor. I've put Dillon's socks back on five times already (twice on the five minute trip to pick up Parker from school). I feel like a broken record sometimes...

A four-hour drive with a potty training toddler

It wouldn't be so bad if the kid wasn't so afraid of bathrooms. Stopping at Kremmling's local Kum and Go (no kidding, who named the gas station?) so Parker could "go potty" was not the highlight of our trip to Steamboat Lake this weekend. I packed 10 pair of underwear for the four-day, three-night trip. There are four left in the bag. Not too shabby.

The kids had so much fun hanging out in "Aunt Jen's cabin," playing in the snow, riding the snowmobiles to breakfast at the lodge and going on a sleigh ride. The big savior of the trip - a 19 inch TV/DVD player. Sad, I know, but it kept the kids entertained. They must have watched 'A Bug's Life' six times.

Tried snowmobiling (is that a word?) for the first time yesterday. Who knew it would be such a workout? My whole body aches and it's probably not from the fall into the "tree well."

Five words I never thought I'd hear

"Can you hold my penis?" Why can't Parker hold his own penis? That little fire hose is spraying all over the place. I'll be so happy when this whole potty training thing is in the past. Enough said.

Can a kid live on Mac N Cheese alone?

I have the pickiest eaters ever. Well, maybe not ever. I heard of a kid who would only eat Teddy Grahams. I'm seriously tired of trying new things only to have the kiddos refuse to eat it. Case in point, today I made homemade chicken pot pie. What's not to like? Especially with cornbread crust. They wouldn't touch it, except to eat a tiny bit of the cornbread.

I'm told that when you get the kids involved in cooking, they will be more likely to eat it. The boys tried to join me to make the pot pie today. Parker pulled up a chair and immediately fell off and split his lip. When safely back up on the chair, all he wanted to do was attack the cookie jar. Next, Dillon pulled up a chair, got bored when he found out cookies were off limits, and left the room. Two minutes later, he was back and pulled down both chairs sending Parker flying yet again. Needless to say, the boys were then banned kicking and screaming from the room.

Am I doomed to eating Mac N Cheese forever?

Hello. Is anyone out there?

So here goes. First entry to my new blog.

I'm Becca and have two wonderful boys - Parker (3) and Dillon (2). I'm an unemployed PR person with too much time on my hands. Growing up, I never imagined myself as a mom and I'm taking it day-by-day. I've learned some from my mommy friends and learned even more from the crazy boys I love so much.

Here are some of the things I've learned recently (in no particular order):
1. Training potties are gross. Even though I've been changing diapers for over three years now, nothing has prepared me for cleaning out that nasty thing.
2. Cleaning poop out of underwear is worse than cleaning it out of a diaper.
3. Potty training is more about training Mom, than training the kid.
4. Arts and crafts projects never turn out like you think they will.
5. Daddies will use any excuse to get out of doing something for your kid. "He said he wanted Mommy to do it" doesn't cut it.
6. Just because it's on PBS, doesn't mean it's good. For the record, I find Barney, The Big Green Rabbit and any other show with life size puppets annoying.
7. Just because it looks easy on HGTV doesn't mean it is.
8. No matter how much you claim to be in charge, you aren't.

Okay. I'm starting to rant here. That's not the point. If you've ever found yourself without a clean diaper and scooped the poop out and put it back on, let your kid sleep with 100 Matchbox cars, parked by the produce door rather than the toy one at Target, or let the kids eat dessert for dinner because the fridge was empty, then this blog is for you. Keep reading.